7 Satisfying Ways To Respond To A Meaningful Apology And How To Apologize Effectively
If you’ve ever hurt or ever been hurt by someone in your life, this is for you.
As humans, we have a lot to learn. Little things like this matter. Today it could be you being offended but tomorrow you be the offender.
Many people usually forgive but hardly forget. That’s okay and normal. None has never hurt anyone before in their life. We have all been hurt before and we have all hurt our fellows before. These responses are what you would surely appreciate hearing because we all need grace.
The idea is to make sure that both the apologizer and the “apologizee” feels good after the conflict resolution.
These ways also depend on the context of the arguments, misunderstanding, and intensity of the offense. They are also perfect for someone who doesn’t want to prolong things. Honestly, if you ever can, never try to prolong a misunderstanding, argument, or disagreement because the longer it takes you to work out, the more harm it might cause as it escalates.
Relationship management is a two-way stride. If you don’t want to maintain a relationship with the person apologizing, then this may not be for you. But for relationships, that matter to you, hope you find this great advice.
When someone drops their ego to genuinely apologize to you, just saying “it’s okay” usually indicates things aren’t really okay. Here are seven different sentences you can say instead of “It’s okay”;
- “I appreciate the apology”. To be honest, I’m still hurt and it will take some time for me to move past what you did, but I’ll definitely get over it”.
- “I believe you’re sorry. Thank you for apologizing”
- “Your apology honestly makes me feel much better. It’s fine now”
- “I accept your apology. But I still love us to talk more about the issue. I really would love to just unburden a little more.”
- “Be goofy. Take the tension off the mood. Tell them to compose an apology song for you and sing it on the spot😁.”
- “Thank you for apologizing but I don’t forgive you, I would still want to talk about the situation and better understand why it happened”
- “Apology accepted, we all make mistakes! But try hard not to do this again because a mistake repeated is intended.”
It takes a level of remorse and humility to make a GENUINE and HEARTFELT apology. That’s what I meant by “drop their ego” above. I’m sure you all know the difference between a heartfelt apology and a flippant one.
If you read each alternate to “it’s okay”, you see that you can also tell them you need time to process the whole issue. It’s even okay to let them know their apology isn’t accepted. The emphasis is for you to see how you can give proper feedback instead of just saying “okay”!!!
Yes, the offender’s conduct was improper and inappropriate but two wrongs don’t necessarily make right.
Sometimes you say “it’s okay” because you’re still angry but the anger is slowly diffusing. Forgiveness does not happen in a split second. But these responses also happen to be more accommodating to a heartfelt apology.
If I give those replies over a sorry, am I being genuine or am I saying what someone says to say because they say it’s the better thing to say?
Well, another point of this article is to help you learn how to use words better. The person apologizing should be ready to wait for forgiveness if they are genuine.
What if “It’s okay” is the only thing I feel like saying at that time?
Well, if we all decide to say only what we feel like saying and not what we should be saying, we would irreparably hurt our partners, friends, and people around us and our relationships would never be wholesome.
“It’s Okay” sounds dismissive and doesn’t exactly tell the “apologizer” anything; have I been forgiven? Have we moved on from this situation? Is it okay to move on from here? Are we good?
Also, it doesn’t give room for fix-ups and make-ups. The listed responses can be opening the opportunity for discussion and a true resolution. If they genuinely apologize, then saying okay doesn’t let the other person know how you’re truly feeling. Use their apology as an opportunity to further express yourself.
But still, when an offender chooses to “drop their ego” and apologize after a period of ego brandishing, the offended is also allowed the time to heal at their own pace.
Does the tone in which I say “It’s okay” matter if that’s all I feel like saying?
Tone can make all the difference when expressing words. Yes, I totally agree. However, in whatever tone “it’s okay” is said, if that’s what you want to say, make sure “it really is okay” and you hold no grudge, have forgiven and moved on from that situation.
Well, then again it depends on the facial expression, body language, and how you treat this person after.
No one has the right to how you react to their apology after they messed up. If you have to react that way it’s because you are still trying to take their mess on you. You deserve time to process things and say further words when you are ready to.
What if I don’t intend to accept the apology at all? What should I respond then?
You could say something like:
Your apology is appreciated but it does not resonate with me right now. I still need time to process it and would like to discuss this at a later time when I’m ready.
It is important you also acknowledge the role you might have played in the conflict. Sometimes it’s not always only you that was entirely on the wrong side that’s why you should maybe consider taking the apology.
What if they keep doing the same thing and say sorry?
Well, if it’s something they’ve done multiple times and keep saying sorry, your go-to could be “I won’t accept an apology this time. I expect changed behavior if you’re truly sorry”
People usually don’t like it but if you’re truly sorry you wouldn’t keep doing it. The best apology is a changed behavior you know.
How to apologize?
One would argue, that this is how we have created a society that focuses on victims & ignores the perpetrators. It’s always victims who are given a manual on how to react toward ill treatment. We rarely focus on the grassroots.
We are also going to see better ways to apologize because you cannot live with your own failure after offending someone. Where will it bring you back? Of course to the offended.
Just because you have apologized doesn’t mean the offended has to forgive you on the spot. It’s their feelings and they’ll forgive you in their own time just as you apologized in your own time.
When you apologize, the goal should not always to be forgiven as that is something you have no control over. The purpose of apologizing should be to acknowledge how wrong you were, open up a line of communication with the offended, express your regret and remorse, learn from your mistake and find new ways of dealing with such situations.
Apologies aren’t a science or abstract concepts. An apology literally is meant to get you to own up your wrongdoing, and express genuine regret for messing up.
An apology is a step toward making amends with the person or people you’ve harmed, intentionally or not, in big ways or small ones, by validating their negative experience and your role in creating it. It’s specific and precise.
Not apologizing when you are wrong can be damaging to your personal and professional relationships.
You also need to know when to really apologize. Depending on the offense, you need to first give someone time before you come in with your apology. You can’t just have wronged someone and think you are going to be forgiven or have your apology considered immediately.
There are only 3 elements to an apology:
- I acknowledge that I’ve hurt you
- I deeply regret it
- I will do my best never to hurt you again
That’s it. Pretty simple stuff.
“I wish I could take back the hurtful statements I said to you dear but it’s impossible. I should have never spoken that way to someone I love and respect. I’ll do my best to think before I speak in the future. Am really sorry!!!”
“I’m really sorry, I thought about what I did and I realized that it was really mean. I’m so sorry for not recognizing how it would make you feel”
Conclusion:
Different people have different views on the pain inflicted upon them, and sometimes a heartfelt apology just isn’t enough to compensate for that.
If you really want to undo the damage you caused, you better bring more than just an apology. Don’t just tell someone you are sorry, show them you are sorry too.
Don’t make your apology so dry that it might even not deserve an “It’s okay”. Best apologies come accompanied by atonement offers.
Sometimes people accept the apology, but still want to talk more about the issue, and want to unburden a little more. However, that could degenerate into something else, which could be even more than the main issue at hand. There’s something called letting go, you can try that.
And no matter how genuine apologies of some people are, their presence in your life causes harm. Too many people want to apologize without considering who it’s actually benefitting. There are some people you never want an apology from because some apologies will never measure up to the offense. But, always forgive however long it will take you to heal.
Still, some people are very difficult to please, and just saying the word sorry is never OK for them. It may take days or even a month before they can forgive you, especially when it involves betrayal or usurping: “stole their partner, slept with their partner, broke their heart, failed promise, disappointment, and many more.
Actually, some people forgive before you apologize but you can’t get that same energy you used to get from them and they will avoid you so that you don’t do the same again.
Human beings are insatiable in nature. It takes those with a forgiving heart to let go completely. That is why we need this therapy every day to learn how to forgive wholeheartedly and more.
Truly apologizing is the hardest thing you can do, but doing it should also be for the moral benefit of the doer.
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Thank you.
This article was originally published at malidad.com